how expectations sabotage your meditation practice

Letting go of expectations is one of the basic, fundamental skills for meditation, and is paramount to reaching Nirvana.

We have a tendency to hold on to things…

One of the things we hold on to (often without realizing it) is our own expectations. Expectations of how somebody should behave, what we believe we are capable of, and how hot the tea should be. Most of the time these expectations go un-noticed, working in the background of our subconscious mind, but when something in our world doesn’t meet (or even exceeds) these expectations, an emotional response is triggered.

The trouble with Expectations

The thing that makes expectations detrimental to a meditation practice specifically, is that expectations are a neurological flow blocker and subsequently, a block to deeper meditative states. (as the two are neurologically related, which we will briefly touch on in a moment).

With expected outcomes comes judgement when those outcomes are not met, and judgement is strictly an ego based activity. If you ever want to know who is in the driver seat between your deeper awareness or your egoic self, all you have to do (according to Eckhart Tolle), is ask yourself if there is judgement involved. If there is, The egoic mind is at the wheel.

For anyone interested in developing a meditation practice, your expectations play a fundamental role in your decision to do so. Hell, It’s the driving force behind why you start the practice in the first place. You hear people talk about the benefits and you say to yourself “I want that” and so you begin the practice based on the expectations of getting those benefits.

You expect to find stillness. You expect to get clarity, and you expect “Radical Peace”. Because some guy on the internet (not naming names) told you that’s how you get it.

and then you sit down..

and what you are greeted with,

Is not the stillness nor the peace you were promised.

In fact, it seems to be the complete opposite. Your mind is wild with thoughts, and when you sit down to take a peak at it’s contents or to try and quiet it down you realize that it’s very difficult to do so. Even the act of focusing on your breath which seemed like such an easy target feels damn near impossible. You hang onto it for one breath.. maybe two breaths, and then your mentally wandering again. Wondering how much longer you have to sit here for, contemplating what you are doing next, thinking of all the better ways to spend your time, thinking about that argument you had the other day, or start worrying about a big project you have that’s nowhere near completion.

“This is hard.. am i doing this right? I’m getting hungry. I need to go to the grocery store.. What was that noise? My back is starting to hurt, this is uncomfortable.. there’s no way I’m doing this right, nothing is happening. What even is supposed to happen? Is anything supposed to happen? This is pointless. How much longer do I have?”

Each thought leading to a thousand others, until you catch your breath again.

But just for a moment.

Then it’s back to the same chaotic internal dialogue.

This, is anything but peaceful.

What you experience, doesn’t match your expectations. You get frustrated, doubt your capabilities, blame either the practice or yourself for the perceived failure, and never return to the cushion because “it doesn’t work.”

Your expectations weren't met.

Or, another scenario, You’ve meditated a good number of times. Your practice is somewhat established, and you’ve been able to reach a state of peaceful awareness, maybe you briefly tap into a beautiful sweetness that you’ve never experienced before. A sensation that you can’t quite find the words to describe. It elevates you for days, Color is restored, and holy shit, is this what nirvana is? This is amazing!

“I want more.”

Then you sit down again, and new expectations are put in place. You’ve done it before, surely you can do it again, and you wait for it.

and you keep waiting….

and you keep waiting….

Where is it?

It’s not happening

Because you are expecting it to happen.

Anything that keeps you from the present moment, will keep you from experiencing Nirvana; will keep you from experience Flow. There is a reason every single Flow trigger is based in present moment awareness. Your expectations are rooted in thoughts of the future. Something is going to happen, but it’s not what is happening. What is happening, is you are thinking about what is going to happen (or what isn’t happening). Focusing on what isn’t, instead of embracing what is. This, does not work.

Here’s why.

The neuroscience of nirvana:

One of the things I love about meditation, as a highly curious (and often skeptical) individual, is that what is happening (or what isn’t happening), can be traced to neurological patterns.

Expectations, Judgements, and the like- are all part of critical thinking. Analyzing. This is the job of the Pre-Frontal Cortex (PFC). One of the many commonalities that link Nirvana and Flow-state (and how we can use this knowledge to our benefit), is a neurobiological state known as “Hypro frontality”. This is a quieting of the PFC. So, as long as you are holding onto your expectations and your judgments, you can expect to keep waiting for the magic to happen. There are more processes that link these two optimal states of being, and I hope to address them in depth in the near future, but the key take away for now is this

Thinking, does not equal Flowing.

It is, however, a part of the process of getting into that state.

What to do instead-

The same thing that gets blasted on repeat in any discussion surrounding meditation.

Come back to the present moment.

You dive as deep as you can into the experience of the present moment, allowing your mind to let go of expectations, and let go of judgement. Anytime you notice a thought of “this isn’t working” you label it as an expectation, and come back to the breath. Any object that holds your attention in the present moment is as good as any. Back pain? beautiful. Embrace it, investigate it. Dog barking in the distance “distracting” you? Beautiful, it’s now part of the experience. Embrace it without judgement.

Meditation takes time. It takes practice. And the results will come as you become more skilled at staying focused on the present moment. As you continue to practice, changes in the mind will continue to develop. You will get better at dealing with distraction and you will slowly start to notice (un-notice?) more distance between your thoughts. The greater the distance between thoughts, the more you’re starting to get it.

Keep at it, and the results will come.

Just don’t expect anything…

Much love.